Life's Curve Balls

With the purpose of this blog to document all our significant moments, I imagine there had to be some glum ones too. Friday, September 10th, I went into work to let everyone meet Cooper and touch base before I returned on the 20th. I quickly learned that I had lost my job. The company has been financially hurting since the beginning of the recession. Their main function is retail, and with people losing their jobs and struggling to feed themselves, gifts are last or nonexistent on the family budget. My employers had tried everything, but it looks like they might not make it. 

My initial reaction was pure fear. How was I going to take care of my family and provide? Would we lose our house? All the traditional "what ifs" trampled through my mind, numbing out the positives, leaving me with the worst. I had brought Cooper with me and as the tears flowed I looked down and caught him smiling in his sleep. I suddenly realized what really mattered.

Throughout my Maternity Leave I had been asking God to provide me with a way to stay home with my son. I investigated ways in which I could possibly leave my job and be home, or even work part time. I had surrendered to the idea that I was just going to have to go back and I needed to suck it up. After getting laid off it occurred to me that this was God answering my prayer. My fear was instantly replaced with happiness.

Our lives have suddenly changed. The reality is that money was tight before so this doesn't change much. With getting paid what I did then giving it away to daycare for Cooper and after school care for Cole, it really didn't leave us with much of anything left over. Now trim my paycheck WAY back to what unemployment offers, but cut out both child care payments and we have ourselves an interesting balancing act. 

There have been many Sundays where I have sat in Church and longed to have a more fulfilling existence. My days consisted of chipping away at a job that was unsteady and unrewarding all while passing off my children for others to raise. Now I get to step into the shoes of the woman I believe I was really meant to be. Being a working mom can be rewarding for the ego but not for the soul. The job I now hold, full time mommy, makes me feel human for the first time in a long time. It allows me to be what God naturally intended for me to be. At some point I will return to work, but until then I am sincerely grateful for this gift.